Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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