what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
