I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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