The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
