my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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