You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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