in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
