Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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