drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
