my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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