A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
