Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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