ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
