I just cut my nipple shaving
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
