whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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