woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
