FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
