I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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