I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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