how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
