All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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