Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
