my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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