does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
