Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
