Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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