Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
