he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
