I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
