you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
