Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
