I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
