he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
