do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
