if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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