I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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