Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
