Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
