I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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