ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
