I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
