Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
