I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
