i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
