Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
even my farts smell like vagina
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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