WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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