What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
