woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
