when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
