Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
